If you're reading this now, I can only guess you have read my last blog. And let me tell you, it was one of the hardest things I have ever decided to do. It is a weird feeling, walking into class, or walking anywhere, not knowing who read it. Not knowing who knows my deepest, darkest secret. It's an uncomfortable feeling. But, within all this comfortableness, I finally feel safe. It's like I have released what had been killing from the inside out. You would not believe the unbelievable feeling of weight that has been lifted off my shoulders.
However, as much as I want to testify how much I've changed since that dreadful day to now and how strong I may seem, I struggle with loving myself. Don't get me wrong, it's not because of what happened. It's just the constant feeling of not really loving who I am, and wishing I was someone different. Someone better. Someone prettier. Well, trust me, I'm not the only one who feels this way. I know for a fact that you have thought this one time or another in your life.
When I was younger I would say to myself "Well Hannah, you're kinda ugly but you're stuck with yourself..sorry." Yeah, I know that's awful. A little girl calling herself ugly. Well, sorry to admit this, but I only told myself this because that's what other people called me too. (Don't worry, I don't believe this anymore.) The point is, I'm not the only one telling themselves lies like this. Let me tell you what's true.
God created YOU. He carefully handcrafted, perfectly and carefully, the person he wanted on his earth. And that was YOU. How could you not love yourself?
Sometimes I question if it is a sin to not love myself. To not love what God created. To not love the strategically planned out life he has planned for your life. To not love what he loves so much.
For me, it's still a struggle, especially since I have a knack for comparing myself to others. But I'm learning that I am me for a reason. I'm not really sure what reason that is yet, but I'm excited to find out. Of course I'm not not perfect, but I am perfectly me.
I can't tell you what to do, but I encourage you to love yourself. Love what God took time to make. Love every flaw and uniqueness. Be the perfect you.
Whoever gets sense loves his own soul; he who keeps understanding will discover God -- Proverbs 19:8
